Un-Friending

Note: I realize this post is a bit ludicrous and over the top.

I am not sure how many of you have heard of November 17 as "National [Facebook] Un-Friend Day"...but this is a basic synopsis:
"National UnFriend Day was November 17th, 2010 — the day when all Facebook users protected the sacred nature of friendship by cutting out any "friend fat" on their pages occupied by people who are not truly their friends." (abc.com)
That week in mid-November started out the same as any other week: office laughter and chit chat. I am not sure who brought up the fateful day, but someone did. Since my office is full of friend-laden people we decided to take a brave step and attempt to rid ourselves of some extra friend baggage.
We boasted and bragged about the 'difficulty' of removing individuals who we have not talked to in years. In reality, I am quite sure we were being dramatic.
Since then, I have occasionally gone through my friend list and deleted a few people here and there in hopes of cleansing my facebook page. Today was one of those days that I decided to scroll the list.
Every time I have pulled up the list to filter who I am truly friends with I become more and more sad about removing people. Why? Because each and every one of my 'friends' has a memory associated with them. I think that's why today I started to *gasp* tear up.
I have decided that no matter how little I communicate with said 'friends', I will no longer be deleting any more people out of my life. The joy that comes from simply looking at their name and remembering that he or she was there with me and we experienced something together far outweighs the time we have spent apart.
I want it to be known that I am not bashing "NUFD", I am simply saying it is not for me.
So if you are one of those friends who I carefully deleted...I am sorry. Let's be friends again...ok?
[Also note: Yes. I realize my reasoning for keeping friends is completely for my benefit and that I am objectifying friends as memory snippets.]

A Different Prescription

I would like to preface the below by making some statements.
1. I started and wrote this reflection quite late so...
2. It's incredibly cheesy and fluffy...but that's ok because
3. It's pretty much all true to what I am feeling right now.
4. Also, I did put a bit of theory in here-- feel free to skip it.

I have always pushed to be viewed as a competent individual. Timeliness, due dates, and follow through have played a significant role in who I am now and who I have worked to become. While I have been running around ruled by my watch I have missed something. That something is passion, drive, and provision. Though I thoroughly enjoyed the conference in its entirety, the last workshop I attended was of particular importance to me as a growing professional. A word not unfamiliar to me was introduced and stressed, and that word was strategy.
When I think of the word strategy competition often comes to mind. The intertwining of these two words gives me a negative image—one of a selfish individual pushing past everyone regardless of the other people’s current state. The way that Serena talked about strategy, though, put a whole new spin on the concept. She showed me that I can do more—and I need to in order to maximally benefit myself as well as others. I cannot be content with competence…I need to step up my game.
The ten tips and subjects the presenters talked about were as follows: know yourself, network and mentor, résumé and interview, technical and management skills, you better work, managing your supervisor, ethics and professional standards, organizational politics, don’t forget what you learned in graduate school, and professional development. The first one most definitely fits with Chickering’s 5th vector: Establishing Identity. Interesting enough, competence is something he posits will be mastered before identity establishment. I think this vector also spoke to me because I have been thinking a lot about identity development—especially after we read Let Your Life Speak.
In reality, all of their tips fit somewhere into Chickering’s vectors. For example,
1. Competence: Technical and Management skills; Organizational Politics; Don’t Forget What You Learned in Grad School
2. Emotions: Know Yourself
3. Autonomy to Interdependence: Managing Your Supervisor
4. Mature Interpersonal Relationships: Network and Mentor
5. Identity: Professional Development
6. Purpose: You Better Work; Résumé and Interview
7. Integrity: Ethics and Professional Standards
Obviously some, or most, or the tips may be put into one or more categories—or completely different ones. For lack of room and efficiency I will not necessarily cover why I placed each tip into the specific vector. Know though, that I was both impressed and surprised to see how well they each fit into Chickering’s theory; that fact alone was impactful and a prime example of theory to practice.
Though the workshop description said, “this interactive workshop will address the issues and challenges facing new professionals as they move in, through and out of the first three to five years of their career in higher education,” I think it went far beyond the now seemingly trivial description. In fact, I am going so far as to say that it has revolutionized how I will think about my future—whether student affairs is or is not a dominant aspect of said life plans. Both the style of the presenters and the content of the presentation reached out to me and gave me the metaphorical thick, heavy, and possibly unattractive, prescription glasses that I so desperately needed.
As previously mentioned, I have placed a high value on competency. Chickering himself points out that competency is only the first vector and there is so much to be gleaned from developing the other facets of his theory. Since I have arrived in August I have been surviving off of my ability, aptitude, and proficiency. However, little flags (such as the book) have popped up and forced me to reexamine why I am in this program and profession. Through those instances I have slowly become aware of the holes in my development—and this realization reached its pinnacle at the conference. I no longer want to just be viewed as capable—I want to be seen as driven. I don’t want to solely settle for adequate but instead strive for excellence. And instead of being an excellent observer I wish to share my passion with those around me.
I truly think the decisions I have made about myself will carry on into the future. I have already noticed that I look at my tasks and my job in a whole new light, one of excitement—one I have not seen before. This new lens I am currently seeing through has almost a sort of fulgent aspect. Even though I love this new perspective, I still have some misgivings.
First, I wonder how long this new love feeling will last. After a couple of months will I be discouraged once again? Or, what if I find out that I lack the ability to examine these parts of my life? I wonder if I hold the drive to stay driven. I also am curious to see the challenges and struggles that are sure to arise as I attempt to push myself farther and harder than I ever have before. Will my wall hit me sooner than I want it to?
When I think about the qualms I have expressed, I am not too worried. Perhaps this is foolish of me, but I think that optimism is a strong force. I am confident that as I continue to navigate this career of student affairs I will always look back at the Session C workshop with a tender heart. After all, I have been forever changed.

Crowbar

[I feel that I'm taking a bit of a risk by being painstakingly honest in the below post. Please don't take it personally and try really hard to remember that everyone has struggles...right? Anyone?]
The last couple days were hard on my personality. Where I wanted clarity I was given confusion. When I wanted structure I was forced to improvise. I had to settle for less than ideal. I was late. I was blamed. I was too concerned when I should have just let things go.
In reflection I know I could have handled said 'things' a lot better. I should have been gracious instead of incredulous...but I wasn't. I could have taken the blame and embraced humility...but I didn't.
The more time I spend with these new people the more I learn about myself. I used to think that I could never be annoyed...not true. I once believed that I couldn't believe anything negative about a person...false.
I'm a little excited about this discovery.
I often question if I have adequate critical thinking skills. I mean, if I always go with the flow and am 'ok' with anything and everything...well, should I be nervous?
Over the years I have learned that while embracing a humble attitude and an open mind is generally a positive thing, lines must be drawn and choices must be made. I have very little desire to live my life floating along like an aimless, although beautiful, leaf drifting along in the stream of life. I want to be able to claim my thoughts and ideas with reverence. So take that all you people who once said, "but brit, you like everybody"; let it be known though...I do like everybody:)
Additionally, from looking at my reactions to the people around me, I have realized just how opinionated and strong willed I really am. This realization has been interesting. I'm not sure why it has taken me so long to become aware this fault...probably because my roommate(s) was (were) incredibly accommodating. But now I know what most of you have probably known for quite some time.
So thank you everyone for not only tolerating my craziness, but also loving me through it.
p.s. I encourage you all to check out 'Vampire Weekend'...in my opinion, they're fantastic.

Banana and Bootcamp

Below is a post that my wonderful sister, Hannah, wrote a little while ago. There are a couple of reasons I decided to include it in my blog. 1. Banana is awesome, 2. She has a lot to offer, and 3. I have blog-writer's block.

note: HA= honor academy. You'll have to check out her blog for more information:)

JOY

ESOAL lesson #1

(many more to come!)

Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

-Nehemiah 8:10

About this time last Saturday I was (probably) going on a 2-mile run with a wooden cross slung over one shoulder and a duct tape strap for my water bottle on the other. Picture yourself standing on the sidelines while we march/jog past you. You probably would have smelled us before you had a chance to look into our sandy/muddy/sweaty faces. At this point in ESOAL, about 30% of us probably had plastered permanent smiles on our faces. The other 70% of us had so much joy we were bubbly, giddy, and overflowing with happiness as our dirty tennis shoes pounded along in perfect rhythm.

Last weekend I was able to participate in one of the HA's (optional) Life Transforming Event called ESOAL. Despite how ESOAL has been portrayed by various people or media organizations, it is truly an amazing experience that God used to teach me many life lessons.

Going into ESOAL, I was pretty freaked out. If you know nothing about ESOAL, let me give you a quick update. Picture the HA gone military. Actually, ESOAL is supposedly based on the Navy Seals' Hell Week. I'm not in the Navy, so I really don't know how accurate that is; all I know is what I personally experienced. ESOAL did have certain military aspects to it. For example, we were placed into companies and platoons, given helmets to identify us and crosses to carry, told to respond using "Sir" and "Ma'am", allowed only to say numbers under 10, and taught how to low-crawl. It was completely unlike the military in other areas, such as middle-of-the-night worship, constantly being asked if we were growing, giving our 100%, asking how we could help our company, having to work together to produce unity, singing worship songs while we marched, and reciting Bible verses.

Before ESOAL, I only knew about the military side of it, which is why I was so apprehensive. I couldn't understand why all the 2nd-year students were so excited. I was expecting my experience to be filled with anger, bitterness, and fear as I worked my tail off to please my major. I'm so thankful that this is not at all what it actually was! Instead of being angry at my major and captain for making me low-crawl or do push ups, I realized that I had a choice in how I would respond. Yes, I could have gotten angry and bitter, but instead I was able to "choose joy" (motto!) and respond in a way that was honoring to God. When our company was falling behind and our major was telling us to go faster, we could have all separated and fallen apart, but instead we realized the importance of unity and stuck together, helping and encouraging whoever was struggling. We were able to choose optimism and unity over anger and self-reliance because 1) we all knew we couldn't get through it on our own, 2) we all knew we couldn't get through it without God, and 3) we all knew that the joy of the Lord would be our strength when our physical bodies had no strength left.

One main lesson that really took root in my heart was a common yet powerful asset during ESOAL. One phrase that you would constantly hear throughout the endurance of ESOAL was "choose joy", said with much exuberance. We were made aware at the beginning of ESOAL that it wasn't going to be something we enjoyed. Who thinks physical exertion and no sleep is a fun combination? Not me. We all knew that we would want to quit at one point. It wasn't going to be peaches and cream....BUT (there's always a "but"..) we also knew that we could make it enjoyable. We could make it fun. We could choose what we got out of the experience by what we put into it. This really rang true for me. All my life I had been told this, especially when I chose to not get a positive experience out of something that I thought was a major struggle. During these situations, it never really sank in that being joyful is a choice.

This is an interesting concept. In our lives, the joy that we have experienced is only surface level. For example, when something happens that creates a feeling of happiness within you, your are joyful. You are outwardly joyful as a result of the inner joy. However, that joy fades away with the initial event that created it. During ESOAL, we were taught a new type of joy that never fades. This joy is a result of so many things. I mean think about it, if you have God as your savior, why shouldn't you be filled with joy all the time? Think about your eternal reward. Think about how much God loves you. Think about how much Christ did for you. Think about His saving grace. Think about how well He has equipped you for anything that could ever come up against you. Think about God. The end. Just the thought of God can put a smile on your face, no matter the circumstances. It's amazing. Revolutionary even. Life-changing if you let it sink in. I let it sink in. If I hadn't, man, those nights of sleep/no sleep would have been completely miserable, just like everything else that was challenging during ESOAL. I would have rung out having learned nothing but self-reliance.

Because I was able to rely on God's strength and constantly be filled with his joy, I was able to not only complete ESOAL, but also lean on God and use His strength instead of my own. Not only was I always smiling outwardly (for which I was nicknamed "smiley") but I was also always filled with joy inwardly. I was made aware of just how much Jesus did for me while on Earth living as a man. He went to the cross for me - I can sacrifice my feelings, my emotions, and my physical body to Him. The best part is this: when I gave up my pain, my struggles, my emotions, my feelings, I was filled with even more joy. God wasn't just going to leave me with nothing. No, He filled me up with so much more than I had before. He blessed me. He blessed our whole company. Let me tell you, once we had all grasped this, ESOAL was like a family vacation - no joke. We were all laughing and cracking jokes about the simplest and hardest things. It was so good!

Moral of the story: Choose joy in all situations! You don't have to go through a tough experience like ESOAL to grasp this concept. The next time you feel yourself turning sour as a result of something gone wrong, ask God for His joy. I guarantee He won't disappoint you! Also - you can't always rely on feelings. During ESOAL, if I had waited until something good happened to be joyful, I would have wasted so much time feeling sorry for myself and embracing self-pity (that's a whole different blog post...). You always have something to feel joyful about - let God fill you up to overflowing with His joy, which is your strength!

hannahvaneck.blogspot.com

And the Winner Is

Friday.
The day started out with my first APU chapel. As soon as I entered the stadium and the music started to play I was reminded of my love for student community. Being in a room surrounded by students and staff alike was beautiful and fulfilling. To put a the proverbial cherry on top, the speaker was Shauna Neiquist. She spoke about challenge, growth, death, and redemption. If you have yet to read her work-- I urge you to do so. Through it I was inspired; I felt she was writing exactly what I was feeling.
After that uplifting experience I headed off to work. We (Amanda, Rebekah, and I) decided that we wanted to be crafty with our advertising. Earlier that week Amanda and I scoured the dumpsters for cardboard and headed to Michael's to buy 21 beautiful colors of paint. Needless to say, I was overjoyed to be given the task of painting. As I had already painted a number of pieces of cardboard, I decided it was time to dress them up-- so that took up the next hour.
Now it was time for the free, semi-exclusive (but not really), lunch with Shauna. Yes please. As I sat in the room of females and listened to so many of them pour out their heart and thanks for her words I was also reminded. My mind went back to the time that I read her first book, Cold Tangerines. Stephanie Slotsema brought it with her to Uganda and recommended that I read it. Since we were often without electricity and little to do after 7 pm, I gladly took her up on that offer. And I wasn't the only one; Stephanie (from Germany) also read it. I still find it difficult to express what that book meant to me and to the others in the house. Being in Uganda was not an easy task and Shauna's words lifted us up, encouraged us, and gave us a renewed strength. I, of course, tried to verbalize this at Friday's lunch but alsas, my fear of public speaking kicked in and I fear that I didn't at all portray the immense gratitude I felt at that moment.
After the lunch I finished the poster stuff and went out for coffee with Tiffany (a 2nd year and an intern in my office). It was a time of honesty and learning. I love times like this.
When I finally landed home in the late afternoon I...think I took a nap. Or painted. Or wrote notes, but I really can't remember.
After supper I headed to a housewarming party for Tiff and her 5 roommates. Though I had mild associations with Tiff's friends, I really didn't know anyone else. The next two hours were not easy for me but, surprisingly, not too difficult either. I found that if I put forth an effort and was semi-intrusive (because let's face it, that's the only way to break into a group of friends), I could engage in legitimately good conversation. For example, I learned that a 1 yr pass to Disneyland is only $16 a month, if someone says you have to swing dance you shouldn't lie and say you don't know how because they'll teach you anyway, and Michael Buble tickets are quite costly. After all that and more, I decided I needed to go to bed.

Saturday.
Today I slept in as long as I wanted, which was beautiful. Then I went to the post office, picked someone off the street and drove them to a hospital, and went to the gym. The rest of the day I read. Of course the location and subject matter differed, but nonetheless, I solidly read for the next 6 hours.

I suppose the question is this: which day did I glean more from? The one that took up a bazillion lines, or the one that took up 5? If you haven't guessed yet, it's the former. As much as I love reading about buggers and piggies, I really desire and thrive on contact of the human type. If you've been hoping to find a 'moral of the story' this would be it. Even though being with people is hard, emotionally draining, and sometimes undesirable...I still pick it. I think it's worth the hastle, late nights, and hard conversations...truly.

Along the Way

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking. That's not to say I don't normally think...but I think my synapses have been firing extra hard because of the amount of alone time I've been having.
So I ponder stuff...
I wonder if I'll ever see the wonderful people I met in Uganda again. I hope so...I miss them a lot. I find it strange that I have such a strong connection to them and my heart aches to see them again-- soon.
I wonder if I'll find friends here who know me like the ones I left this past May. Friends who I feel so comfortable around. Friends who have been so encouraging to me even while I'm far away.
I wonder if the reading for my classes will ever end. Seriously...it's intense. Oh well, that's grad school.
I wonder how many people in the world are shallow. My heart has been broken over and over again by stories of harsh words and a critical tongue. Can't men think women are beautiful just being them (and vice versa)? I have my doubts.
I wonder if I'll ever get sick of coffee. Oh dear. I hope not.
I wonder if I'll ever be brave enough to write with pure and unabashed honesty.
I wonder if the words I speak to others are heard, or if when they seem like they aren't listening they really aren't...listening.
I wonder how much more I can write before I become too embarrassed to share my thoughts with my 'blog audience'.
Mmk. I think I've hit that point.

White Nike Socks

Today I read about...
Marathons. I don't know how many of you know, but I'm not allowed to "real" run...ever again. When my second doctor told me this after my second knee surgery I was disbelieving. "Yeah right" I though, "I recovered fine from my first and this one will be the same way". Well it wasn't. I have never gained my muscle back and have trouble with everyday things like...walking. Just yesterday I was hobbling down the stairs when my knee buckled and I fell (don't worry mom, it happens all the time:). I have always known that I have a disadvantage and my body is quite literally falling out of its sockets.
Unfortunately for me, I love to be active and, even more, I love to push myself. I have, admittedly, run since that horrid man told me I couldn't. But my actions have had brutal consequences that I have had to face. For example, and I think this brings it full circle, my whole life I have loved to competitively run. When I was in 8th grade and had just purchased my first pair of spikes and crisp white Nike socks I came home and decided that I wanted to go to the state track meet. So I put away one pair of those white socks and vowed to keep them until I made it. Let's just say those socks definitely got worn a few times.
I also remember going through a period of being truly confused and, for the first time in my life, a little bit mad at God [note: I really don't ever get angry...this was a big deal]. I have never understood why I am 23, love to physically exert myself, and have such a strong limit. I'm still a little angry about it but...
Today I also read about...
Challenges. While doing the meet and greet with my boss, Shino, we stopped at the campus pastor's office. While we were all talking I was, of course, looking over her book collection. I noticed she had 'Bittersweet' by Shauna Niequist (who also wrote 'Cold Tangerines'). Of course I had to ask her about it and in return for my curiosity I was handed my very own hardcover copy; easily made my day. As I read the prologue I was immediately convicted by the words. Or maybe I was just immediately drawn in by her expansive vocabulary and natural ability to tell stories. Either way, I loved that she pointed out the difficulty that so often seems to overshadow the joy of Christianity; "the central image of the Christian faith is death and rebirth."
I have always said that I appreciate the process of disequilibrium and hardship-- learning is fun! But when I really begin to think of the implications that go along with what I so desperately yearn for, I'm not sure I am all about that whole 'going through hardship' stuff. So I'm lamenting. I'm not happy that I am not allowed to do the things I was born to love. But I do think the fact that not being able to do them forces me to question and grow.
By the way, I'm not giving up on that whole running thing.

Variable-Interval Blog Posting

For the last couple of weeks I have been thinking a lot about my blog or, rather, lack thereof. The constant desire to amend this has haunted me but obviously I'm not afraid of ghosts (harhar).
Today another roommate is moving in and honestly, I have failed to think of something else I would rather do while the crazy is happening outside my bedroom door. So I've turned to blogging the unknown.
I suppose I could start with what I have been doing the last couple of weeks. I arrived safely in CA after a beautiful, terrifying, and strangely relaxing drive. The first couple of days were spent meeting and greeting the friends of a fellow Northwestern->Azusa friend. These adventures involved a lot of firsts including, but not limited to, pools in the apartment complexes, beer pong, In-N-Out, and tours of the now less confusing campus of APU.
The next Sunday I met my office. Technically, I work in the office of the Associate Dean (Shino) but for the Women's Resource Center (still Shino). Sharing our office is All-Student Leadership. The people that make up the office are: Shino, Jeannette (admin), Tiff (2nd year grad for ASL), Kristen (undergrad for ASL), Rebecca (2nd year for WRC), me (1st year grad for WRC), and Amanda (undergrad for WRC). If I were to be completely honest, I'd tell you I have issues with working in groups. But this blog is not the place to talk about my (many) personality issue(s). So instead I'll just say this will be a year of challenge, growth, and a LOT of fun; I already know I have been blessed with an amazing office full of people that I have already grown to cherish.
This year I will be a part of the initiation and/or programming of many large and (compared to NW) extravagant events. I think it will be a lot of work...but I am truly excited for it.
I did meet my cohort(graduate class) last Tuesday. There are about 45 of us. Honestly, I didn't make too much of an effort to get to know them yet-- I'm not a big fan of random mingling. However, I think once class starts connections will be made.
Between a couple of the above sentences I went to Pasadena to meet up with a couple of NW people. The time was really great...even though we really didn't talk much about Northwestern. I think the comfort of a common base was a large part of said greatness.
Well. I think that's a sufficient life update. Hopefully in the future I will be more proactive with my blog...but no promises.

Adaptability is One of My Strengths...Somehow

Sometimes I have severe doubts that adaptability is solely a strength. Sure, it's nice to be able to assimilate into different situations easily, and I do enjoy the lack of homesickness that others so intensely experience. But sometimes, especially lately, I have wondered if I would be closer to God if I had a bit more difficulty transitioning. Take my time in Uganda. I figured I would have to rely more on the presence of God to get me through those six weeks. I'll admit, I was looking forward to forced intimacy. Unfortunately, I was left with much to be desired. I tried to rely on God, take more from him, but there always seemed to be so much other things to do and see...and not enough time to channel my nonexistent suffering to the only thing that never falters.

During an infamous Wednesay night Bible study, one of the women shared how she would really appreciate a scenario where God showed her that he was there. That night I thought, yes God, why is it me always doing the talking and trying to find that ever escaping 'personal relationship'? Then, of course, the guilt of what I had just dared to think overcame me. However, me and my strong personality continued to question God. "Sure God, you sent your son to die...and that was great, but what about now? I don't do one extravagant thing for my friends and then expect them to continue to foster the relationship on their own."
Blasphemous, right?
I feel that I am constantly praying for God to put a hardship in my life so I can learn and grow with him. I live my life attempting to put myself in situations that will be difficult for me so I will be stripped down to just me...and God.

Oops.

I have been home for 1 week and...
1. I cannot find my malaria pills...they're supposed to be taken today.
2. I have literally spent a majority of my time either cooking, painting, or running.
3. I don't feel any closer to processing my thoughts.

Nostalgia

I have strong sensory recollections. Whenever the smell of coconut lime hits my nostrils my brain is flooded by flashbacks of scenes from all-state chorus junior year. I remember scrubbing so hard to get rid of the disgusting smell of a spray-tan went bad, the funny red shirt from wal-mart, sitting in bleachers all day with people I hardly knew, and the goosebumps that come from being a part of hundreds of students singing in perfect harmony.

This is true with music too. Just today I was listening to ‘Mosquito’ by Ingrid Michelson, and I was overwhelmed by the images that flashed through my mind. They were ones of this past year in my apartment. The strongest one was of RA training when I was living there by myself and attempting to organize the mass chaos that surrounded me. This of course made me sad—and apprehensive. I was again hit by a bulldozer full of uncertainty as I look forward to the next year. I am still in mourning over leaving Northwestern and all that this place held for me. I know that all will be fine but fine is not the last four years. I will never again be able to live with my closest friends and have so many others in near proximity. I am afraid. I am scared that all the friendships I worked so hard for and cared about so deeply will change and fade. I am angry. I am frustrated that life works this way and people don’t spend their lives traveling in packs.
But most of all, I am grateful. I have been so completely and utterly blessed by the students and professors that I learned to call friends. I will hold the memories of these times dearly and when I listen to certain music, smell a select scent, or see a once shared sight I will be reminded. Whatever the circumstance, I will remember and be thankful for the laughter, the pain, the sadness, and the excitement, but most of all for the people I experienced those moments with.

Love

True friendship is a sacred, important thing, and it happens when we drop down into that deeper level of who we are, when we cross over into the broken, fragile parts of ourselves. We have to give something up in order to get friendship like that. We have to give up our need to be perceived as perfect. We have to give up our ability to control what people think of us. We have to overcome the fear that when they see the depths of who we are, they’ll leave. But what we give up is nothing in comparison to what this kind of friendship gives to us. Friendship is about risk. Love is about risk. If we can control it and manage it and manufacture it, then it’s something else, but if it’s really love, really friendship, it’s a little scary around the edges.
-Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines
I really have been appreciating this book. The author appeals for a life of celebration and in doing so, has challenged me and provoked thought about friendship, God, and life in general. The above excerpt resonates with me in a special way…and I will tell you why.
In high school I was a listener and observer, and only that; I didn’t often speak my mind or share my innermost thoughts. I refrained because I didn’t think anyone wanted to hear. Sure, they would ask questions and listen for the first 30 seconds, but it was clear to me that what I was truly thinking didn’t really matter to them.
I carried this attitude with me into college, but it was here that I was challenged to think differently. Many people and conversations contributed to this, but I remember one in particular. Last fall I was talking to someone about how I don’t often share everything because I can sense when people stop listening, or when they are judging me, and I don’t want to be a burden to them. His rebuttal was that through this, I am really hurting myself—and that maybe whomever I was speaking to really might want to hear…he or she just didn’t know it yet. So henceforth I have been challenged to really speak my heart, regardless of the other person. This endeavor has not been an easy one; it has been a journey filled with frustration, sadness, and joy. Though there have been times that I have been asked a question, been in the midst of pouring my heart out, and then been interrupted and forever halted, there have also been strengthened friendships—and that, I think, is worth it.
Additionally, I was told that I owe it to myself to share. I struggled with this thought all year and until recently was still unsure what it meant. Now I know. Not only have my friendships grown, but I have also been able to process my thoughts through sharing. I would posit that it’s important to talk about…whatever, if only to figure out what you are trying to say in the first place.

It's Kind of Like Christmas in July in September

The day started out as a typical Ugandan Sunday. We attended a church service that flew threw, and 45 minutes past, the 2 hour allotted time slot. The pastor talked about how we are human-beings but we are often fooled into acting like human-doings; I couldn’t agree more.
After Stephanie and I biked home we prepared a goulash-type meal using the leftover taco mean from the night before and, or course, the Gouda [we are currently on a strictly food with cheese diet because once the cheese is opened, it doesn’t last long]. Then we started cutting up vegetables for our contribution to the 4th of July meal. The vegetables here are cheap. For $3.50 we bought 3 kilos of tomatoes (~20), 3 kilos of potatoes (~20), and 7 onions. After I had cut a mere 3 gashes in my hands, we were ready to put it all together.
Our task was simple and one that I had done countless times at home…on a grill. I figured since it took 20-30 minutes with a grill, an oven couldn’t take more than an hour.
Two hours and three episodes of Lost later we were still sitting at home with crunchy potatoes. Luckily our friends love us more than well-done vegetables, and they told us they would love to have us regardless of the state of our dish. Because the sky had a foreboding air to it, and it had already poured rain earlier in the day, Jennifer came to pick us up in her jeep type vehicle.
We arrived adorned in red, white, and blue, in time for me to successfully aim every serve at the tiny-blonde girl in the middle of the volley-ball court…poor Lydia. Luckily for her, the food was soon ready. As we gathered ourselves and began to dish the amazingly scrumptious food onto our plates, we began to feel raindrops.
It rained for the next hour or so, but we were happily cozy in the house and even played patriotic charades. Also, Becky and I were forced to tell Lydia and Grace stories—which I loved. If you haven’t been subject to one of my odd poems, you probably have little idea just how creative I can be with words. My favorite was when Becky and I collaborated for a story. It involved Siamese cats who loved grape jelly, had a home gym (which enabled them to hang upside down from the ceiling), and an allotment of exciting circumstances. Soon it was dark (meaning it was sometime after 7 pm) and we were ready for our s’mores…made out of graham crackers, nutella, and the obviously necessary marshmallows. Also included were fireworks—called candles here (they were a good combination of the two and looked like a proportionally correct giant candle with sparkler abilities).
Overall, a successful Independence Day.

I Love Jesus

This last Wednesday we had our usual women's bible study. We started off by reading Genesis 3:1-6, which talks about Eve being tempted by serpent Satan. Following this we were asked the question, "what is your apple" (or something of the sorts). Basically, what in your life seems like it is a good thing, but really is not. Because I can usually think of something to say, and nobody else was volunteering to talk, I stepped up to the plate.
"Open-mindedness" is the word that escaped my lips.
I was met with blank stares and a some obviously questioning looks.
"Well, what I mean is that sometimes I think I am too non-judgemental"
This statement was met with a few more looks of confusion with a hint of criticism.
"I mean...critical. I think I often am ok with everything/everyone and sometimes I wonder how much I should really be fine with accepting".
I'm sure most of you can imagine what took place when I tried to explain how I am a bit more liberal than some Christians. While some of the women were empathetic, others came at me with rebuttal strait from scriptures, which is of course the best kind. As I was definitely at the disadvantage I sat there, listened, and tried to embrace the diversity that Christianity holds.
A couple of thoughts [try not to read into this too deeply, it's the middle of the night].
-I really don't think the Bible is all that obvious. If it were, would there really be so many different religious affiliations in the world? Unless there is a select group of super-interpreters and the rest of the groups are innately ignorant, the Bible can be read through many different lenses according to many different interpreters.
-Some parts of the Bible are forgotten by those who seem to remember other passages well. It's not so simple to say "Jesus said it"...as I was reading my Bible the other day I came upon a verse that surprised me greatly. I remember a specific conversation from high school that some of my classmates were having about this law. I won't go into the details because that is not the point I am making. I would just like to say some passages are far more emphasized than others that are more 'old fashioned'/'illogical'.

A Typical Week

Sunday: Church (approximately three hours), random activities (this week Rachel and I learned how to make Samosas from one of the teachers at Harmony), and team worship (filled with off-key singing and 30 minute mini-Ugandan sermons).

Monday: ‘A Shift’ at Amacet (babies home) from 7-3. Bible study with girls from Light (a boarding school) from 8-9.

Tuesday: Harmony in the morning. This week’s afternoon featured painting at the Shaardas. Game night: Dutch Blitz…I don’t excel at fast-paced games.

Wednesday: Same as Tuesday but instead of game night we had women’s bible study. Interesting. This was an experience my require its own blog post.
Thursday: Today we went to work with children affected by armed forces (caaf). The team put me in charge of the painting station, meaning I was able to paint with teens for a couple hours…work? Nope. Thursday is also the night I work from 6pm to 7:30 am at Amecet. Which is where I am now. Did I mention I’m not so good with babies? It’s really quite sad—I don’t even know how to feed. And the diaper changing? I remember once when I was an early teenager I was holding a baby at our supper table. Well, whoever put the diaper on the baby (probably me) didn’t put it on correctly and the baby diarrhea-ed all over me. I think I set the baby on the (cement) floor and ran directly to the shower. Why do I tell you this? Because it’s pretty accurate of the baby-brittany extravaganza. Don't get me wrong though, the babies and children that come through here are precious...but this is not my forte.

Friday: Sleep for a couple of hours. Bible study with another group of girls from Light Secondary; the main goal of this time is to foster critical thinking skills.

Saturday: Assisting with reading at Amecet Namun (older kids) in the morning, visiting James and Nora’s house in the afternoon, choir practice after that, and then movie night with the girls (all 90 of them) from Light.