Friday, January 21, 2011

I LOVE This Part

The last 2 weeks have been crazy crazy busy.
Yesterday, amidst the hustle and bustle,  I realized something.
It dawned upon me that I was extremely happy. And energetic.
I once told an RD during my interview that I both loved and thrived on being a bit over-worked (he looked at me like I was a bit crazy...too true).
This week I finally pulled that thought into my reality.
I end the 9am-10pm days feeling great and accomplished.
My motivation need for sleep decreases.
To sum it all up: I love to be crazy. So pull me with you on your sporadic trips. Grab my hand and take me sailing. Overwhelm me. Ask for my help. Demand my time.

(psst: If any of you are my classmates and reading this...I'm kind of stoked for the craziness that's about to happen next week!)

And yes, I did spend some time at the beach last weekend.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

A Shout Out, Etc.

Today I have experienced many thoughts and feelings. I am:
1. Thankful for place. At the end of break I was really hesitant to leave my friends and family. It felt so great to be home and I really felt as though I could have stayed there for a long time. After being back for a mere six days, though, I am already fully adjusted to being here. I have little doubt that part of it is being able to walk around in a cardigan...but the feeling extends further than the pleasant weather. Azusa has quickly become another home to me-- the familiarity of people and places reaches out and is 'somehow' comforting (Uganda friends...get it?). I am so so appreciative of the learning and growing that California has provided for me.
2. Thankful for people. As I have left the familiarity and proximity of my 'old' friends and entered a new world of people I have gone through many stages. First I experienced denial. I was pretty sure I did not need to get close to people here. After all, I had worked for my friendships and was in need of no more.

Who can really blame me for thinking nobody could measure up.
Luckily for me, my program is full of people who are interested in working with college students and therefore friendly. They have won me over, taught me much, and challenged me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. I already love them and look forward to growing so much more with and through them.
I am also so thankful for my friends at home. I cannot even begin to name them all, but they are so precious to me. To name drop a few special ones though, my beloved family by blood and family by bond deserve a few more words.

Bullers & Van Ecks, Christmas 2009.
My parents are THE best. I do not think they realize how much I admire and observe them, but surprise mom and dad...I creep on you. My sisters are also incredible. This break I really realized just how comfortable and myself I feel around them-- natural is the correct word. And then...the Bullers. Best family EVER. I left home this break starving for more Van Eck/Buller time...there is NEVER enough. The night we did spend with them (Christmas Eve) was fantastic and I definitely enjoyed the addition of Rachel to our family (per usual).
3. Motivated to explore creativity. I have often been told that I am so creative and artsy. Perhaps this is true, but if it is...I feel that I have been negligent. Today I spent a good two hours perusing blogs. Through that I was inspired to write this post, and think about what exactly I am doing with my time. I think that I would really like to expand my personal repertoire of creativity to encompass so much more than it currently holds. New goal: try more new things-intentionally. I think I will have to create a schedule to do this...damn.
4. Convicted to do more. In a serious way. I want to be one of those people who gets up really early to go running and then starts her day.
5. Shocked that I haven't amended this sooner. Truly truly shocked. I have a pretty serious fear of not having a personality and I feel that if I continue to just float along I will end up boring and dull-- not unlike a robot.
So for now I am thankful, aware, motivated, convicted, and shocked. Not too shabby for a Saturday, eh?

p.s. Recently I have been listening to 'The Flaming Lips' on Pandora (discovered via Elsie Flannigan's blog). I quite like them.

Monday, January 3, 2011

The Point, Please.

The last couple of months I have been bombarded by an impossibly difficult question to answer. What is the point of life? Yes, our small and seemingly insignificant lives. I would like to know why we are here. What role does each individual play on this earth. 
I ask because I care. I have a strong desire to know what I am doing here. Am I supposed to be in the field I have chosen? Or am I better suited somewhere else. Or does it even matter? I am curious to know if we have a destiny or if our lives are made from the choices we choose. I know, I know...the latter is the correct answer.
But back to the original question. What's the point? Am I supposed to believe that my life will make a difference? I suppose I am...but what if I choose a nondescript life of comfort? What if I decide to move to a place and just live? Sure, my life will impact those I choose to associate with...
I guess what I am truly struggling with is how uncomfortable am I supposed to make myself for the greater good. Is it wrong to want to be comfortable? Should I pride myself in doing something I believe in, even if I would rather do something just a bit easier...a bit more, selfish?
I always said that I wanted to live a life of learning. I always dreamed of finding my passion. Now though, I just want to be with my friends. I yearn for an average life taken up by a stagnate job and a never-changing ritual.
I wish I could finish this post like this:
"Then I remember. I remember the people I struggled to get to know and the joy that came with that challenge. I remember the love I have for college students and residence life. I love what I am working towards because I believe in it."
But honestly, I would rather not. Sure, I wrote that and it is true. But my current thoughts override what I am not strong enough to say.