As you may or may not know, I often update my blog when I am feeling unsettled (to the chagrin of my parents, it's usually only at these times that I write about my life).
So it's true...I'm not feeling super thrilled with life right now. I feel a little bit out of control-- and I like my control. I am feeling that there are too many big things I need to pay attention to and explore.
One current predicament is that I am pissed off at society. Specifically, for being oppressive towards people because of their sexuality and/or gender. This affects both me and people I love...and the greater community of humanity. The catalyst for this post is partly due to my recent time looking at fashion blogs. Sometimes if I notice an imperfection I click on the comments section because I assume someone has criticized this individual-- sadly I am usually right (note: I am also angry at myself that the flaws are the first thing I note). Today this frivolousness was directed at a young (very thin) girl for having cellulite. While I give the commenter credit (not really) for admitting we all have it, this person went on to say, "she should be more careful about hiding it."
Did an r-rated phrase form in my head. Yup. Did I want to scream it at societal "standards?" Yes again.
So that's part of my lack of control.
Going back to the sexuality and gender bit, I feel I have so much to learn about these areas and beyond, but I am not feeling I have the time/resources to devote. I have a strong fear of ignorance...this is making me anxious.
Also, I am learning to be a professional (and graduating SOON). All of this requires intentionality and it is energy-consuming.
Tomorrow I have a job interview at a private, liberal arts school near LA (Occidental) and am really excited about the possibility of being a sort of RD there. I would still be in the Women's Resource Center, but would also work/live at Occidental.
Also, I feel social justice issues are tugging on my heart (along with everything else). Again...so little perceived control. A few weeks ago I had the sudden desire to abandon my current field and work at a non-profit.
I'm assuming most of you are thinking I am a bit unstable right now. Not true. Just feeling more convicted than usual. In the words of Shauna Niequist, "I am in a certain life season." So no worries, I have not lost control of my concrete life. But do be aware: my patience may be a little thinner than usual.