As you may or may not know, I often update my blog when I am feeling unsettled (to the chagrin of my parents, it's usually only at these times that I write about my life).
So it's true...I'm not feeling super thrilled with life right now. I feel a little bit out of control-- and I like my control. I am feeling that there are too many big things I need to pay attention to and explore.
One current predicament is that I am pissed off at society. Specifically, for being oppressive towards people because of their sexuality and/or gender. This affects both me and people I love...and the greater community of humanity. The catalyst for this post is partly due to my recent time looking at fashion blogs. Sometimes if I notice an imperfection I click on the comments section because I assume someone has criticized this individual-- sadly I am usually right (note: I am also angry at myself that the flaws are the first thing I note). Today this frivolousness was directed at a young (very thin) girl for having cellulite. While I give the commenter credit (not really) for admitting we all have it, this person went on to say, "she should be more careful about hiding it."
Did an r-rated phrase form in my head. Yup. Did I want to scream it at societal "standards?" Yes again.
So that's part of my lack of control.
Going back to the sexuality and gender bit, I feel I have so much to learn about these areas and beyond, but I am not feeling I have the time/resources to devote. I have a strong fear of ignorance...this is making me anxious.
Also, I am learning to be a professional (and graduating SOON). All of this requires intentionality and it is energy-consuming.
Tomorrow I have a job interview at a private, liberal arts school near LA (Occidental) and am really excited about the possibility of being a sort of RD there. I would still be in the Women's Resource Center, but would also work/live at Occidental.
Also, I feel social justice issues are tugging on my heart (along with everything else). Again...so little perceived control. A few weeks ago I had the sudden desire to abandon my current field and work at a non-profit.
I'm assuming most of you are thinking I am a bit unstable right now. Not true. Just feeling more convicted than usual. In the words of Shauna Niequist, "I am in a certain life season." So no worries, I have not lost control of my concrete life. But do be aware: my patience may be a little thinner than usual.
http://eugenecho.com/2011/11/28/gender-church-and-the-art-of-alternate-endings/#more-9415
http://front.moveon.org/two-lesbians-raised-a-baby-and-this-is-what-they-got/#.Tta05f7Lzrn.facebook
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You are right where you are supposed to be. Be certain that as you figure things out, this will always be your state of being. Esther 4:14 says, "for such a time as this." If you keep that in your heart and mind and use it as you go about your day...you will always be right where you are supposed to be. We should chat sometime. I miss our conversations and we have a lot to catch up on. Hope you are doing well.
ReplyDeleteThis kind of dissonance is only an opportunity to grow in both humility and wisdom. Not one of us can have every piece of info available to us when trying to make decisions on any tough issue (even ones that don't seem like they should be very tough at all). All we can do is pray for wisdom and, most importantly I think, remember Christ's compassion for all people. I admire you, Brittany VanEck. Your desire to seek the truth while treating all God's creatures with care should make us all proud. It does me.
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