Saturday, January 7, 2012

Happy New Year/I want 2011 Back

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season, filled with love, joy, and interesting stories.
I left California for Christmas break with a sense of freedom; I did not take any school work with me and I was looking forward to a break filled with excitement and adventure. I did indeed experience such a break, but as many of you have probably guessed, the entrance into the new year, and subsequently the school year, was met with dread.
As I look at all I have yet to accomplish before graduation, and after, I experience two clashing, and extremely strong, sentiments: excitement and sadness.
Excitement because I will be done with school. For those who know me well you are probably confused; I have never wanted learning to end. This program has taken a lot out of me and while I have come away with so much knowledge, a lot of it has been accompanied by baggage. I have always been open to a multitude of facets about life directions and other such things, but now they seem heavier, more looming. That is, the struggles and seeming depravity of life are weighing me down. There is so much to do and I am just one person. So yes, I am thrilled to be exiting class and move on to what I will deem as more fulfilling and meaningful work.
On the other side, I am quite sad to be moving out of this phase of life. I have found a sense of place in California. Not only have I found comfort, but that comfort has not come easily. I have worked to invest and find belonging during this time. Leaving that work behind with the knowledge that this chapter is forever closed is sad and disheartening. Leaving my undergraduate institution evoked similar feelings of loss and because the proximity of that time is close, I cannot help but be in a pre-mourning period.
As a result, homework motivation is all but lost. I have entered the new year with a desire to spend all of my time doing activities in community with those I love dearly. I am stuck in a chasm that I need to crawl out of in order to move on. There is only one ladder and it is marked, "find a job." Today I began job-searching with The Placement Exchange (TPE). Through an interest search I narrowed the possibilities to seven institutions-- all small, liberal arts institutions from Portland to Minnesota, Chicago to Rhode Island. For those interested in the position, as of now I am only applying to positions as a hall director. Perhaps in the future I will need to expand that selection, perhaps not.

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