Recently I had a mock interview for an RD job. When I finished I had the privilege of receiving feedback. My interviewers told me that while I was comfortable and personable, nothing really stuck out about me-- they did not have an idea of who I was as a person.
That conversation started a whole new string of thoughts including, but not limited to, "How do I communicate my passions?", "What are my passions?", "Do I even have passions?".
The truth is, I'm not sure I do. By that I mean there is not one specific thing I am striving toward. In many ways I see this as a positive characteristic because that makes me very adaptable. I do not mind taking risks and am not limited by a need to say in my comfort geographical comfort zone. Additionally, I am generally alright with the unknown. Because of this I have no specific driving point when I apply for different positions or even have different conversations. The fact of the matter is, wherever I am placed, whatever job I have, and whoever I talk to, will get the best from me. I will take ownership of my position and develop it. I will pour into and get to know the people around me.
That still leaves me a bit vulnerable to rejection because of a lack of specificity.
For example: the past month I have been in the process of applying and interviewing for ACUHO-I summer internships. Of my interviews, only one went even mildly bad. When the time came for the offers, though, I was not called. The next three days were filled with slight anxiety and questioning as I wondered what I had done wrong.
I did end up getting an offer from the University of California, Riverside, as a judicial affairs intern. While I am thankful and incredibly excited to fill this position, I cannot help but wonder what went wrong with the other interviews. After a bit of thought, I realize that nothing specific went wrong. In fact, they all gave me really good feedback. But I have to admit I agree with my mock interviewer: I did not show them enough of who I am as a person.
This, as many of you know, is not an easy task for me. I would much rather sit back and listen to others while asking really interesting questions:)
Unfortunately, I do not suffer from this choice...but I do have a different desire. I realized that I need to grow and process through other people and my lack of desire to open up is preventing me from truly processing my (for lack of a better word) life.
So my hope is in the future I will not only be more open and honest, but I will also be unafraid to go into depth with the more personal aspects of my life.
Forgive me, this will be a slow, difficult, and potentially awkward time...but I think it's worth it.
On a different note: A couple of my good friends have recommended me this band and after listening to them, I am going to recommend you all take a listen:) Ladies and gentleman, the Fleet Foxes.